Imagine you are two weeks post break up. You walk past your favourite cafe that was your regular haunt when you were with your boo. You reach for your phone to text said person, then you remember; you are not together. They are not good for you and you know it. It hurts to think about all the fun times you had there with them. It would be so easy to just message them and bring all those warm fuzzy feelings back.
As you continue to walk past the cafe and think a little deeper into your feelings your brain starts working again. Your ex treated you like shit. You continually fought and could not find common ground on a lot of things. Sometimes the thought of being with them would make you feel sick and anxious. You have finally resisted the temptation to go back to them and you feel good about yourself. It gives you strength to know that one day you will not have such strong feelings for them and you can move on to something/someone amazing.
Photo by Hailey Kean on Unsplash
I’m sure a lot of us can resonate with what it feels like to break up with a partner or a friend. Some of us do fall into bad habits and go back to the ex but if they aren’t the person for us, eventually we have gotten over it and those feelings have gone away. The common denominator is feeling like shit for a while and then waking up one day and you’re over it.
What if we treated our bad habits like breaking up with someone? You know you need to kick that after dinner snacking habit. You know it’s bad for you, unproductive and makes you feel guilty AF. It’s like you are getting back with your EX every evening and then breaking up again straight away. What’s the point? What are you achieving? Why do you repeatedly go back to these abhorrent behaviours?
So what do we need to do to get over someone? Or get over a bad habit? I am going to list some of the patterns and behaviours you need to accept to finally change!
Grieve. Be upset, feel shit, sad, lonely, unworthy, angry or all of the above. You must accept that you are going to lose something. Eg a partner, or that block of chocolate. It’s okay to be upset about it. There are a lot of good feelings still associated with that chocolate but losing it is not the end of the world. You will most likely get to experience it again in your life.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Find a support network. First thing we do in a break up is look for our best mates. We go to them for support, friendship and love. We talk it out. All those emotions you have been feeling, tell someone about it! Life is much easier to conquer when you have people to share your thoughts with. Make sure they are on the same wavelength and won’t tempt you with treats (as per my first blog).
Get a habit or get busy! There is nothing worse than sitting at home on your own after a breakup. Your mind starts to wander and before you know it you are stalking them on social media. Or you have downed a bottle of wine after dinner when you told yourself you weren’t going to. So get busy. Practice yoga, read a book, go for a walk, write, paint, colour. Do SOMETHING! Sitting in front of the TV with your phone and your laptop open on social media won’t help. Be mindful and complete tasks. Start something new. Changing behaviour can sometimes just mean replacing it with something much more productive!
Accept that you might falter. If you do this is not the be all and end all. You can pick yourself up and start right back again. This is not your opportunity for a downward spiral or binge. It is your opportunity to have another try. You will keep trying until you succeed.
Resist temptation. Everyone gets tempted. EVERYONE GETS TEMPTED. Remember that. You are not alone. You aren’t the only person to want to get back with their ex, or shovel a whole packet of Tim Tams down your throat. Take strength in knowing that somewhere someone in the world has conquered that behaviour that you are trying to beat. If they can of course you can too. Fight it with everything you have and just like a break-up you know that with time it will get easier. The temptation will fade. And you would have won.
At the end of the day to get over a break up or a bad habit you need to WANT to do it. You have to sacrifice something knowing that by doing that you will be better for it. There are no quick fixes, no genius secrets and no ways around it. You have to do the work again and again, day in and day out and you can make the change.